Monday, August 29, 2011

Still here

Hi all! I feel like ranting so here I go. Oh, btw, I do have a few people who read this blog, I have another blog I've started where I am not anonymous. I'd love to share it with you. Just let me know. There are even pictures. ;)

My life has sucked. a lot. lately. I've tried to have the attitude that I know it can be worse, and I know it can be. But, I am really about to just lose it completely. People do not have any clue how bad things are and most people wouldn't get it anyway.

We have been VERY broke. Hubby works his butt off and I used to. I would again if I had a JOB. I regret shutting down the daycare in MANY ways. Yet again, had I not shut down my home daycare, I would not have developed relationships with some of the people I've gotten close to at the center.

I guess I didn't mention that the center got shut down. They were evicted. It was a unique experience filled with many emotions for me. It was the beginning and the end of a lot of things for me. The place was. I was so excited to be starting that journey and it was such a part of my life as we were getting it set up. As soon as other people were brought into it and we were about to open, my friend of 20+ years began treating me like total crap. I think I've ranted about all of that before.

I went through a lot in the year+ that it was in operation. I had already been taken off the schedule completely at the beginning of the summer. Hubby was still being paid for IT work but I wasn't being paid. Our finances were hurting bad but I figured I'd suck it up and when the kids headed back to school I would just ask to take some job in a classroom at minimum wage and just deal with it. Yes, it would have been a humiliating thing for me, but, the minimum wage people are the ones with hours. But, she let everyone know at the very last minute that they were being evicted.

I went over there and brought my daughters and my oldest daughter's girlfriend with me. We worked til 3 am getting stuff out of there. (apparently that is not something you're supposed to do...oops!) I went the next day and got a few more things. I was sad for the employees and for the children who would be uprooted and placed elsewhere. I felt bad for the parents who'd been deceived. Everyone had been. If you're being evicted, it's not a surprise to you when it happens. There were several elderly women, 2 pregnant women, 2 newly married women, and several single moms working there. A lot of people got screwed over. I was used to her screwing me over. I don't understand how someone can go from so amazing someone who is an out of control liar.

Anyway. We are now down even more money every month and I can't find a job. To say I'm stressed is an understatement. I have to be creative when it comes to feeding everyone. I went to a food pantry place a friend uses and got less than a shopping cart of food for 5 people. The same friend got 2 over flowing carts later in the day for 4. The people said it's all a matter of when you go and my friend went after they got a bunch of food in. No, I couldn't go back for more. i also sought help for my electric bill. (no, none of these things are things I imagined I would have to do) I did everything I was told to do to get the electric bill paid. I left there with the man telling me they'd pay it that day. Today my electricity was shut off. I went to this place a week ago. The whole experience today spanned hours and included a lot of further humiliation. The agency that was assisting me admitted they had made a mistake and the electricity was restored. How embarrassing.

I am desperately trying to keep things from hitting the 30 day mark, if they are in his name and hit the 30 day mark, he loses his job because of his security clearance. My mother in law tries to say helpful things like telling me how she's "been there". Um. no. big difference. She sat on her butt not trying to do anything about it. My husband doesn't deserve this. He is retired military, works a full time job, a part time job (til the center closed), and goes to school full time. She doesn't understand our situation at all. She had her other son, who is a complete deadbeat, also sitting on HIS butt living with her that whole time.

There are MANY things I would do differently if I could do them over. MANY. I can't change the past now. I just pray things start going well VERY soon so I can change the way I do things in the future. My oldest daughter is also having a very hard time, but, she moved to 25 minutes away and no longer has a vehicle thanks to her girlfriend crashing her car. So, I can't just run out there to her all the time. Gas is too expensive for that.

But, yeah. Lots of fighting here whether it's the children, the mother in law and my hubby..or me. Hubby and me. The cats and dogs. I'm worn out and tired of it all. I'm ready for things to get better. Oh! My washer has now been out for a month. We've been through the ringer (no pun intended) with the home warranty place. Thankfully a friend let me do 2 loads of my hubby and children's stuff there yesterday. The laundry mat has been EXPENSIVE.

I have an eye out on the stove too now. But, the others least 2 of them do. There has been a long list of broken items around here, but, I'm too tired to try to remember what they all are.

Thanks if you stuck around to hear my rant. Know of any online jobs that are legitimate? I have put lots of apps in, etc. I'm looking for jobs not online too. UGH. But, there is a job that may be available soon that I REALLY want a lot. But, more on that later. I'm praying though!
Ms X

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