Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Amazing weather, snoring dogs, and black parades

Hello all! How have you been?? I am here! I haven't been getting alone time in my room lately because hubby's schedule changed and I've been really busy most of the time, so, I hang out doing homework and stuff in the office with him and the kids. I am re-taking that math class and this time I am attacking the class head on. I am in the beginning of week 2 and I've done far better than last time. I'm busting my butt like I should have the last time. I had A LOT going on but I sure am regretting not forcing myself to bust my butt last time. What a waste of money this is! Add that to the list of many stupid things I've done.

For a while I was wondering about my sanity, my intelligence, and many other things about myself. I am still coming out of it all. Hubby said earlier that he never realized that I rarely smiled until he's seen me smile a lot more often recently. I've been making a point of being goofy, happy, etc to bring myself under the dark depression I've been in.

I got a job I start Friday, the paid training starts Thursday. I am very nervous. I am praying, a lot. My physical limitations cannot be limitations anymore. I'm perfectly competent in every way, except the damage I've done to my body.

Oh, I went on insulin too. It's going ok. I have a nurse from my insurance company, a nurse from the pharmacy and my own doctor who all call me about my diabetes management. I had all of them telling me different things in the same day the other day. Ugh. The insulin smells SO mediciney. I keep getting bruises from the shots too. Earlier I even bled after I gave it to myself. I gave myself shots all the time using the exact same type of needles and I didn't bruise and bleed. I don't know what this is all about. I'm feeling pretty decent though I'm pretty exhausted every day now. At least I'm not up all hours of the night anymore. Which is another reason I've not blogged much lately.

Things have been very bad in a lot of ways lately, but I'm trying to do everything within my own power to make them better. I'm also trying to remember to listen to music more, as odd as that sounds, it always lifts my spirits. I'm currently listening to Black Parade, love that song! I have a very wide expansion of musical interests. (I have no idea if I'm even making sense right now). I just listened to a bunch of Brad Paisley, listened to Queen, songs from Les Miserables, Bon Jovi. That's only a small example of my musical interests, lol. Now "Lay Your Hands on Me" is playing and every time I hear it I remember the excitement of the concert back in 1989. The concert began with that song and it was SO exciting for me! Yep. Music makes me feel good. Apparently my younger two children need to be schooled on 80s hair bands and classic rock.

I'm rambling, what else is new? Oh, my dog snores. A lot. He is also so excited about the "Don't ask Don't tell" being dropped that he won't leave my other male dog alone. Even my animals have issues. Lots of them!

Have a great day everyone!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Channeling my inner hillbilly

Hi yall! As I write this I am highly considering just crawling back into bed, maybe I will dream the winning lottery numbers and they will be seared into my memory long enough to buy a ticket. That being said...

I had a GREAT time last night! I channeled my inner hillbilly big time. I went to a free country music concert and it was amazing! It was outdoors on a military base and the weather was PERFECT. It was cool and breezy and..perfect. Normally we have mosquitos that resemble terradactyls and they move in groups of 10,000; but not a single mosquito attended! Due to the hillbilly nature of the concert, there was lots of beer. But, most of my experiences were very positive. The people in front of us were very sweet and offered to buy me drinks, etc. There were some jerks there that I saw early on, but, they were young Navy guys, and, they weren't directing their jerkness at us.

I brought my two daughters and they each brought a friend. I actually ended up with extra tickets in the end. I even had room for 3 more humans in my truck. I was told I needed to get handicapped parking back for this event if nothing else. We literally parked up on the pier in VIP/handicapped, lol. I walked a lot, stood a lot, and moved to the music a lot, though I wouldn't call it dancing. I am sore today but I'm ok with that. I'm also hoarse from all of the hillbilly channeling. I'd do it all again tonight if I could!!!

We all needed that concert, thank God for free concerts. It's nice to see military appreciation like that. I haven't been having a good time at all lately.

I'd like to take a moment to whine, vent, and rant...

Washer still not fixed, been over a month. It's been a HUGE battle with the home warranty company and with the contractors. We pay for a home warranty so these things don't happen!!To add to our list of broken stuff, add the microwave. It just.stopped.working. No warning. I don't know if I've previously ranted about the many things that have broken and stuff, but it's been insane!

I've been trying to get online work from home jobs but they all require a credit check, thanks to our lack of having the same amount of income that we used to have, and prior stupidity at creating debt, my credit is trashed. I highly doubt they'll want me once they see it, and I have to pay for the screening. Then, I have job offers from places that definitely want me to be thin. Pleaces with sales jobs like car dealerships. Ever seen a 450 lb female car salesperson? Not that I would want to do that, but, I could and would at this point. I have been really stressed about it all because I am GOOD at stuff but it doesn't matter! My current physical state and my credit are now in the way, if I can't get a job, those things will just get worse.

On that, I went to the doctor yesterday and he and his nurse are both thrilled with my weight right now. I'd be more thrilled if I were losing as rapidly as I was when I could afford to juice. But, with my stress levels and basic psychoticness, I couldn't handle doing only juicing all the time anyway. I am thrilled with this weather though, going to drag people out for walks all weekend!!!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!