Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Ok, this is a random rant. I hate bra manufacturers. I am very fat but have very small boobs. I finally broke down and ordered a size B cup in a 50 inch circumference. It swallows my boobs! It has underwire and padding, which had me all excited, but, it's HUGE. Really?? Last time I checked...a B cup is NOT that big!! Do they just not understand that concept? Also, in the pictures, the women had cleavage. Yes I thought...cleavage! Nope. The material, as usual, covers me up. But, it doesn't go up to my neck as half of them do. Most of my shirts are HUGE up top and sag so I have to wear a tank top under them. I try really hard to get clothing that fits properly, it's almost impossible, if not impossible. I have a big butt, big belly, and small boobs. I wanted a bra that would present the girls and make them feel sexy, well, my girls are disappointed again. They are destined to be swallowed up in fabric, swaddled like little twin babies. (one of them is bigger than the other, but, that's a whole other subject) Why can't I have a pretty, sexy, fitting bra with support, padding, and cleavage???? People who aren't fat get the bras that push up the girls, provide padding, and expose lots of skin. UGH! My husband even said he'd make me bras! That could be fun, but, it will cost a lot of money. We could make some cute ones though!! Ok, done ranting.
Ms X

Monday, September 13, 2010


Hi everyone! How are you doing? I haven't blogged in forever. I realize that my blog is the most boring blog I've seen, considering how obnoxious and goofy I's strange!

This week is 3 months since my mom passed. This has been a very painful journey. I miss her so much. I'm happy to say that I have good days, they're not all bad days anymore. I miss her and think of her daily, but I do have days, even weeks, where I cry a lot. I know my previous sentence was written wrong, but I don't care. But, I miss mom a lot. My brother, who is up where she lived, missed her as much. He and I have really gotten close. He called the other night and both of us had been having a very hard night, we seem to have bad days on the same days. Mom's boyfriend and his family have been jerks about things. They made up "boxes" of her stuff for us, but a lot of it is giving us back our own pictures and stuff. Mom would be sooo mad at how we're being treated. I wanted her t-shirts and stuff for my kids to wear, they want them too. My brother and his wife would like some too. I would love some of the jewelry she wore all the time like the mother's ring I bought her. God knows we'll never see any of the jewelry though. Her boyfriend and his daughters are taking what they want and selling the rest. I really wish I lived closer, I wished I'd lived closer when she was alive. I'm so glad that she and my brother had so much time together before she passed, I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the many hours I spent on the phone with her. It just wasn't enough. I wish I'd recorded every word she ever said. I wish I'd saved every word she ever wrote. I wish I had taken lots of pictures, and lots of pictures of her and I. I have very few of those. Every time I think of how much my heart is broken, I think about people who have lost a spouse, a child, both parents, a sibling, or multiple people in their families. There are a lot of amazingly strong people out there. My brothers ex-wife lost both her parents and a sister all within a few years. She was close to all of them. She's such a strong woman! But anyway, there are good days and bad days. It's hard to comprehend going the rest of my life without my mom. I see the strength in other people and know I can do it. I wish my kids had had more time with her, that there were more pictures of them with her. I told someone the other day that she needed to take pictures of herself with her mom and her children, she had posted pictures of her mom's birthday. She agreed and told me she'd make sure she's in pictures with everyone.

My daughter is a few weeks into her college classes and is doing great! She finally got a car (to replace the one she wrecked in the spring) and it needs repairs already. She's doing well working part time so she should have it fixed soon. My class starts tomorrow, I am excited. I take one at a time but it's considered full time because it's fast paced. It looks like it will be interesting, and a lot of work. My husband is doing well in his classes too, as usual. He's also working the full time and part time job. My 2nd daughter is getting As and Bs so far in 8th grade and is very busy with cheerleading and band. My son is enjoying 5th grade and told me today that he learned how adrenalin works, then asked me how tears worked. He said he knows we have tear ducts but how do they work? How do certain things make us cry. I love it when they're inquisitive! I'm working more part time hours than full time at my job, some days are 8 hour days but others are 5 or 6. I honestly feel like I still don't have enough hours in the day to do things.

My mother in law is still living with us but had knee surgery this week and is now in re-hab for 3 weeks. It's been interesting to say the least. But, I always look at how she feels and how it would feel to be in her shoes when I get irritated with things. I think this is the best place for her, it's a long story. I wish I had a much bigger house and no debt and lots of money, I can dream, right?

I'm still sleeping in the chair 99% of the time. I am still in chronic pain pretty much constantly. My neuropain is pretty bad most of the time. My sciatic pain can be too. Up and down my legs, especially my right knee, hurt. I have various weird aches and pains, jolts of pain, etc. My shoulders have been in knots. My head has been hurting a lot the past couple of days, and off and on. It's a long list, huh? To top it off, I keep burning myself in the kitchen. I have been trying to move around a lot more still to get my body moving, but it sure does hurt! The weather is getting cooler, I want to go outside and take walks. This heat is not my friend though. I have been going back and forth with the same 10 pounds. I'm on the lower end of it now. It's getting old though. Need to get the weight off. It hasn't been the center of my universe though. A lot of times I only eat to take my meds or because I feel like I'm starving or because my sugar gets low.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. For anyone that reads my blog, thank you! Oh..I read on my kindle application on my ipod touch at night, I often have insomnia. I've read a lot of good books on there. I just wanted to share, and if anyone has any book recommendations or recipes, I'd love to have them!
Ms X