Friday, April 23, 2010

I'm back

Hi! I am writing this from my new laptop, I just got it tonight. I still feel sad about the old one, I miss her. The new one, it meets the criteria I needed it to meet, and it even feels good to type on. That may sound very strange, I am into sensory things, a lot. Typing on this just feels right to me, soothing even. We have "Avatar" on the big screen, I'm not paying too much attention to it. Some of the scenes are beautiful, I love the bright colors. They're gorgeous and vibrant. I'm wondering if there's a soundtrack, the music is peaceful.

Anyway. I haven't blogged much lately, but have had a lot of thoughts I wanted to write about. One thing on my mind the past few days is about my family. However, I honestly no longer remember who I've given my blog address to, and who I haven't. I never want to offend anyone, and I'm always worried about upsetting others. I'm still going to share my thoughts. So, if any of my siblings read my blog, you may want to stop reading now.

Growing up I was the youngest of 5 children. My three older sisters had a different mom than me. When she passed away from cancer, my dad married my mom a year or so later. They went on to have my brother, and then me. My parents divorced when I was 8, at that point my life changed drastically (but that's a whole different story). My siblings were 18, 17, 15 and 13 at that time. My 18 and 17 year old sisters had already ran away by then, though we always knew where they were. My 3 sisters were always very close to each other. They had their fights, like sisters do, but they were very close.

Ten years ago my sisters all had a big falling out. It was around that time that they all stopped talking to each other. It has been an ugly thing. The oldest lived out of the country for several years, and didn't tell the others she returned last year. She actually cut pretty much everyone in her life out completely. She kept in touch with me, and this past year decided to be my sister again, though I never knew I was ever NOT her sister. When she came to visit, she didn't want me to even mention the other sisters. It was very sad. The 2nd oldest sister actually seems like she'd consider reconnecting with the oldest, but, the oldest really freaks out when I mention anyone else. Neither of them want anything to do with the youngest (of those 3). The youngest actually cut me off a few years ago and sent me a nasty, hateful email filled with false accusations and evidence that she really didn't know me at all. She definitely has many mental problems. But, all of that being said, it all hurts me terribly. I saw some photos yesterday from when they were children, I bawled like a baby. When I realized yesterday just how raw and hurtful that is, I wondered how much it affects them, even though they try to cover it up? I used to pray about them all the time and spent a lot of energy on it, I have been so pre-occupied with the many other areas of my life, that I've just let it go. At least I thought I had. I also saw a picture with my dad in it, that's a whole other story by itself. I always keep in touch with him, and he has an open invitation to visit, but, I haven't seen him since I visited over 17 years ago. He hasn't seen most of my siblings in quite some time either, they've all pretty much cut him off too. So, obviously, I have a lot of unresolved issues. I really think it's sad that my sisters don't have each other anymore. It seems to me like they all have a big hole where the relationships used to be. I know I miss the one that cut me off, and I miss the way they used to be together.

I didn't mean to have yet another gloomy post, and I'm not even in a gloomy mood at the moment. I just felt inclined to share these thoughts. Maybe there's someone out there that can shed some light on things. I know I didn't give a lot of details, and maybe it was even confusing, but, it makes me feel better to get it off my chest anyway.

Ms X

Monday, April 12, 2010

I'm being naughty!

Did that grab your attention? Sorry, I'm not really being naughty. At least, I don't think I am. I should do something naughty. Hmmmm. I thought I'd jump on and update my blog, something I haven't done in a while. It's ok, I have a ton of things on my "to do" list that are waiting patiently on me. I hope everyone in "reader" land is doing well. Ok, I just made that up, or, I think I did. Yet again, I'm seriously lacking on creativity.

Most news is good news, well, the more I think about it, not necessarily. But, news regarding me is mostly good. Normally I whine and complain about my aches and pains. They're still there, and I definitely still know how to whine. We opened up the center!!! It's quite an adjustment for me to be working there instead of home, and I've been putting in a lot of hours. Even though I come home exhausted and in pain, I'm very happy!!! I would love to get a whole day off though, I've been there on weekends doing things too. My husband works his full time job (3rd shift right now) and then goes out to the center and works full time (or more) hours, then sleeps for a couple of hours and does it all over again. On his 2 days off from his normal job, he spends HOURS at the center. I'm REALLY hoping we have the weekend off this week, I am pretty sure we'll end up working on the website and stuff if we aren't out there though, I know things will slow down more soon. We just opened it, there's A LOT to be done. I say "we", it's not ours, but, we've been a huge part of it. It's very exciting. We have high standards and concepts and stuff that will really make us stand out as the place to go. It's all about the kids. We have some ADORABLE kids there too!!!

During this time, my daughter decided to crash her car. That was one of those phone calls I never wanted to get, but, I can't complain because she was the person who called me, and she wasn't hurt. There are worse phone calls to get. It was a single car accident, and her fault. She seems to have learned A LOT from this experience, I hope she doesn't forget a single thing she's learned. I've been hoping and praying she learned/learns a lot and that she has another vehicle soon, or gets that one fixed. It happened right after she got hired at the center, which is 20 minutes away. Since she goes to school all day, I'm already there when she comes in after school. So, we're hoping we can work something out soon. She graduates in June, so, she has a lot going on now.

My mom is having cataract surgery on her left eye this week, the other eye is in another couple of weeks. Next week she has a shunt put in through her groin to go up in her heart and look around (I think that's what they're doing and how it works), they are thinking they may have to do open heart surgery on her. I talked to her last night and her boyfriend got put in the hospital the night before. They were thinking it was a UTI, believe it or not. For those who pray, I would appreciate as many prayers as I can get for everyone I mentioned.

My mother-in-law moving in with us has been a blessing for all of us. She's a blessing to us, and her being here is a blessing to her. She's SO much happier here. She's been doing SO much around here, she's been just amazing. I can't say enough good things about her, I try to make sure I tell her and show her how much I appreciate her. I had her move in with us to help her, who knew it would help everyone!

Well, I could ramble on about things for EVER because I'm good at rambling. However, it isn't interesting and eventually won't make sense at all. If I actually GO TO BED I might get some good sleep before that blasted alarm rudely awakens me TOO early in the morning!!! This morning I was sleeping SO well I didn't even know I was in my chair and not my bed!! My chair is normally not comfortable, but, when I finally got to sleep, I was down pretty hard. So, hopefully tonight I will sleep well once I get there!! :)
I hope everyone is well, thanks for the prayers for those that pray.
Ms X