Sunday, February 19, 2012

Almost March already??

You're kidding, right? Where has the time been going? How is it almost March? Geesh! I'm sitting here listening to my dryer squeak and hoping the weather stays cool enough that we won't need AC tomorrow. Our Air conditioner is out. Our dryer is on its last leg. My oil change light is on. Hubby needs a brake job and a few other things done to his truck. Bills are past due. My taxes didn't come this week like they were scheduled to. The list is far longer than this. Yet, I'll keep on praying and will keep doing what I CAN do to make things better.

I've been working my way through my "to do" list. It seems to be a never ending list though. I think I've been in the "dark side" more during the time since I started this blog than I ever was before. 2010 and 2011 were quite the years for me. I'm ready for 2012 to be a much better year. I'd better hurry up and do what I can to make that happen! This year is going much too quick!

How is everyone else doing out there???

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Been a while!

I cannot believe I haven't posted on here since October! That's INSANE! Wow. I have been reading other people's blogs...a lot. I have got so many great ideas from them!! I have been organizing like crazy and loving it. I've been doing some crafting and I am pleased with my creations so far, surprised that they've turned out as they have. I am always self proclaimed "no good" at them. I've always liked them, a lot. I've always had creative ideas. Actually successfully doing it is another story...LOL. As always I have been trying lots of recipes. As a matter of fact, I just tried something tonight and it's a big hit! In fact, I made them from scratch and hubby thought I'd bought them because they look professional. I was getting worried because my cooking and baking this week has not exactly been stellar. I think it has something to do with using self rising flour that my well meaning hubby picked up on an extremely rare occasion where he went shopping with me. I sent him out for specific items and every time he brought one back it was the wrong thing, but..I didn't notice it until we were home. lol. It's official, now he's not ALLOWED to go with me. This doesn't bother him a bit.

A lot has been going on since I last posted. I'm trying to get used to my hubby's schedule changing because it is messing everyone up to adjust to it, and trying to keep my kids motivated to go to school and do well. For some reason that is an issue this year too! Finances are a serious issue but I try to keep a positive attitude. I'm frustrated though.

I've been working on a few stories, I read them to my family and they tell me that they're good. I know, that is probably not saying much to most, but, it lets me know I'm going in the right direction.

I hope everyone is doing well. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Years.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Hi all..kermit the frog here...

Sorry...I lied. I'm not really kermit. I was just thinking about him though and could hear his little voice saying that phrase. Please don't go away! You know...actually...I think the Geico lizard is WAY sexier than Kermit. I wonder what Miss Piggy would think of him?? Maybe it's the accent? The way he moves his little head when he talks?? Oh. I digress.

Ok, so, I have a job again! I am a lead teacher for 2 year olds. Yay me! Is this a job I would REFUSE to take a few months ago? Yep. Have I been humbled to the point of being grateful for this job and busting my butt on this job? Absolutely!!

Finances still suck. But, I'm doing everything I can. I am still hoping a money fairy will show up, preferably dressed like "The Rock" in the "Tooth Fairy". Yum. Can you just imagine the Rock showing up in your house to give you money? OMG. I am drooling. I am drooling a lot. That man is an example of what God would do if he were into showing off...which he is not..but..if he DID show off? He'd be like "yeah, that's right, I made him and he is FINE!" I'm just sayin...I I refuse to watch him in wrestling because I'd lose all respect for him and may not find him to be as attractive as I do. What fun would that be?? He's a beautiful man and I'd like to keep thinking of him that way. Please don't ruin it for me. What was I saying? Um. Oh yeah! Finances SUCK. Now I can't stop thinking about the Rock. Yeah, Yeah, I know...Duane Johnson. I know his actual name. But, he just has me call him D or big daddy anyway. Oops...sorry...back to reality...

I need to devote A LOT of time to math and childcare related courses this weekend. Sadly, since I started there that has been the case. I could rant and vent and go on about a bunch of things, but, eh. nah.

I need to give myself my shot. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes I barely feel it. I have a sick fascination with it but have been sticking to my prescribed shots and haven't become a heroine addict. yet.

I have a BUSY weekend ahead of me. I'm sitting here with my butt muscles throbbing as if I worked out with my former (PSYCHOTIC) ex trainer...I KNOW I haven't but my muscles...all of them..feel differently about the matter. Oh..did I mention my period is like 2 months late now? That's not even funny. I hate having it, but, hope it's not MIA due to me having a litter or something.

On that note...Oh..did I even mention I've lost 4 lbs in the past 4 days...I lost a pound when I weighed myself before that..and I forget what else. well then.

I'll try to blog more. Even if it's for my own amusement. But..I know a few of you are out there reading. Right? You're out there, right??

K...gonna give myself a shot now...Yippee!!! I'm excited! Not as excited as I would be if the Rock popped in to give me money...OMG OMG OMG. Maybe I'll have DREAMS about it! THEN..THEN..God will give me the winning lottery numbers...I'll REMEMBER THem...then I'll BUY the tickets and WIN!!!!!! YES YES YES! I will remember all of my faithful "followers". Did that sound cultish?? I won't make you drink koolaid or anything. Unless you want some...they have a mango flavor..and a pineapple one...I like koolaid. But...I won't MAKE you.

Until next time...Peace out! (I visualized myself dressed like a hippy holding up the peace sign...just sayin...) OMG....Maybe an uber talented reader can DRAW me doing that (fat and all) for my site!!!! I even have one in mind!!! :) It can be my picture of me!!!!!

I really am going to post this now and quit rambling and go to bed so I can get up and do lots of stuff I gotta do tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Amazing weather, snoring dogs, and black parades

Hello all! How have you been?? I am here! I haven't been getting alone time in my room lately because hubby's schedule changed and I've been really busy most of the time, so, I hang out doing homework and stuff in the office with him and the kids. I am re-taking that math class and this time I am attacking the class head on. I am in the beginning of week 2 and I've done far better than last time. I'm busting my butt like I should have the last time. I had A LOT going on but I sure am regretting not forcing myself to bust my butt last time. What a waste of money this is! Add that to the list of many stupid things I've done.

For a while I was wondering about my sanity, my intelligence, and many other things about myself. I am still coming out of it all. Hubby said earlier that he never realized that I rarely smiled until he's seen me smile a lot more often recently. I've been making a point of being goofy, happy, etc to bring myself under the dark depression I've been in.

I got a job I start Friday, the paid training starts Thursday. I am very nervous. I am praying, a lot. My physical limitations cannot be limitations anymore. I'm perfectly competent in every way, except the damage I've done to my body.

Oh, I went on insulin too. It's going ok. I have a nurse from my insurance company, a nurse from the pharmacy and my own doctor who all call me about my diabetes management. I had all of them telling me different things in the same day the other day. Ugh. The insulin smells SO mediciney. I keep getting bruises from the shots too. Earlier I even bled after I gave it to myself. I gave myself shots all the time using the exact same type of needles and I didn't bruise and bleed. I don't know what this is all about. I'm feeling pretty decent though I'm pretty exhausted every day now. At least I'm not up all hours of the night anymore. Which is another reason I've not blogged much lately.

Things have been very bad in a lot of ways lately, but I'm trying to do everything within my own power to make them better. I'm also trying to remember to listen to music more, as odd as that sounds, it always lifts my spirits. I'm currently listening to Black Parade, love that song! I have a very wide expansion of musical interests. (I have no idea if I'm even making sense right now). I just listened to a bunch of Brad Paisley, listened to Queen, songs from Les Miserables, Bon Jovi. That's only a small example of my musical interests, lol. Now "Lay Your Hands on Me" is playing and every time I hear it I remember the excitement of the concert back in 1989. The concert began with that song and it was SO exciting for me! Yep. Music makes me feel good. Apparently my younger two children need to be schooled on 80s hair bands and classic rock.

I'm rambling, what else is new? Oh, my dog snores. A lot. He is also so excited about the "Don't ask Don't tell" being dropped that he won't leave my other male dog alone. Even my animals have issues. Lots of them!

Have a great day everyone!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Channeling my inner hillbilly

Hi yall! As I write this I am highly considering just crawling back into bed, maybe I will dream the winning lottery numbers and they will be seared into my memory long enough to buy a ticket. That being said...

I had a GREAT time last night! I channeled my inner hillbilly big time. I went to a free country music concert and it was amazing! It was outdoors on a military base and the weather was PERFECT. It was cool and breezy and..perfect. Normally we have mosquitos that resemble terradactyls and they move in groups of 10,000; but not a single mosquito attended! Due to the hillbilly nature of the concert, there was lots of beer. But, most of my experiences were very positive. The people in front of us were very sweet and offered to buy me drinks, etc. There were some jerks there that I saw early on, but, they were young Navy guys, and, they weren't directing their jerkness at us.

I brought my two daughters and they each brought a friend. I actually ended up with extra tickets in the end. I even had room for 3 more humans in my truck. I was told I needed to get handicapped parking back for this event if nothing else. We literally parked up on the pier in VIP/handicapped, lol. I walked a lot, stood a lot, and moved to the music a lot, though I wouldn't call it dancing. I am sore today but I'm ok with that. I'm also hoarse from all of the hillbilly channeling. I'd do it all again tonight if I could!!!

We all needed that concert, thank God for free concerts. It's nice to see military appreciation like that. I haven't been having a good time at all lately.

I'd like to take a moment to whine, vent, and rant...

Washer still not fixed, been over a month. It's been a HUGE battle with the home warranty company and with the contractors. We pay for a home warranty so these things don't happen!!To add to our list of broken stuff, add the microwave. It just.stopped.working. No warning. I don't know if I've previously ranted about the many things that have broken and stuff, but it's been insane!

I've been trying to get online work from home jobs but they all require a credit check, thanks to our lack of having the same amount of income that we used to have, and prior stupidity at creating debt, my credit is trashed. I highly doubt they'll want me once they see it, and I have to pay for the screening. Then, I have job offers from places that definitely want me to be thin. Pleaces with sales jobs like car dealerships. Ever seen a 450 lb female car salesperson? Not that I would want to do that, but, I could and would at this point. I have been really stressed about it all because I am GOOD at stuff but it doesn't matter! My current physical state and my credit are now in the way, if I can't get a job, those things will just get worse.

On that, I went to the doctor yesterday and he and his nurse are both thrilled with my weight right now. I'd be more thrilled if I were losing as rapidly as I was when I could afford to juice. But, with my stress levels and basic psychoticness, I couldn't handle doing only juicing all the time anyway. I am thrilled with this weather though, going to drag people out for walks all weekend!!!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Still here

Hi all! I feel like ranting so here I go. Oh, btw, I do have a few people who read this blog, I have another blog I've started where I am not anonymous. I'd love to share it with you. Just let me know. There are even pictures. ;)

My life has sucked. a lot. lately. I've tried to have the attitude that I know it can be worse, and I know it can be. But, I am really about to just lose it completely. People do not have any clue how bad things are and most people wouldn't get it anyway.

We have been VERY broke. Hubby works his butt off and I used to. I would again if I had a JOB. I regret shutting down the daycare in MANY ways. Yet again, had I not shut down my home daycare, I would not have developed relationships with some of the people I've gotten close to at the center.

I guess I didn't mention that the center got shut down. They were evicted. It was a unique experience filled with many emotions for me. It was the beginning and the end of a lot of things for me. The place was. I was so excited to be starting that journey and it was such a part of my life as we were getting it set up. As soon as other people were brought into it and we were about to open, my friend of 20+ years began treating me like total crap. I think I've ranted about all of that before.

I went through a lot in the year+ that it was in operation. I had already been taken off the schedule completely at the beginning of the summer. Hubby was still being paid for IT work but I wasn't being paid. Our finances were hurting bad but I figured I'd suck it up and when the kids headed back to school I would just ask to take some job in a classroom at minimum wage and just deal with it. Yes, it would have been a humiliating thing for me, but, the minimum wage people are the ones with hours. But, she let everyone know at the very last minute that they were being evicted.

I went over there and brought my daughters and my oldest daughter's girlfriend with me. We worked til 3 am getting stuff out of there. (apparently that is not something you're supposed to do...oops!) I went the next day and got a few more things. I was sad for the employees and for the children who would be uprooted and placed elsewhere. I felt bad for the parents who'd been deceived. Everyone had been. If you're being evicted, it's not a surprise to you when it happens. There were several elderly women, 2 pregnant women, 2 newly married women, and several single moms working there. A lot of people got screwed over. I was used to her screwing me over. I don't understand how someone can go from so amazing someone who is an out of control liar.

Anyway. We are now down even more money every month and I can't find a job. To say I'm stressed is an understatement. I have to be creative when it comes to feeding everyone. I went to a food pantry place a friend uses and got less than a shopping cart of food for 5 people. The same friend got 2 over flowing carts later in the day for 4. The people said it's all a matter of when you go and my friend went after they got a bunch of food in. No, I couldn't go back for more. i also sought help for my electric bill. (no, none of these things are things I imagined I would have to do) I did everything I was told to do to get the electric bill paid. I left there with the man telling me they'd pay it that day. Today my electricity was shut off. I went to this place a week ago. The whole experience today spanned hours and included a lot of further humiliation. The agency that was assisting me admitted they had made a mistake and the electricity was restored. How embarrassing.

I am desperately trying to keep things from hitting the 30 day mark, if they are in his name and hit the 30 day mark, he loses his job because of his security clearance. My mother in law tries to say helpful things like telling me how she's "been there". Um. no. big difference. She sat on her butt not trying to do anything about it. My husband doesn't deserve this. He is retired military, works a full time job, a part time job (til the center closed), and goes to school full time. She doesn't understand our situation at all. She had her other son, who is a complete deadbeat, also sitting on HIS butt living with her that whole time.

There are MANY things I would do differently if I could do them over. MANY. I can't change the past now. I just pray things start going well VERY soon so I can change the way I do things in the future. My oldest daughter is also having a very hard time, but, she moved to 25 minutes away and no longer has a vehicle thanks to her girlfriend crashing her car. So, I can't just run out there to her all the time. Gas is too expensive for that.

But, yeah. Lots of fighting here whether it's the children, the mother in law and my hubby..or me. Hubby and me. The cats and dogs. I'm worn out and tired of it all. I'm ready for things to get better. Oh! My washer has now been out for a month. We've been through the ringer (no pun intended) with the home warranty place. Thankfully a friend let me do 2 loads of my hubby and children's stuff there yesterday. The laundry mat has been EXPENSIVE.

I have an eye out on the stove too now. But, the others least 2 of them do. There has been a long list of broken items around here, but, I'm too tired to try to remember what they all are.

Thanks if you stuck around to hear my rant. Know of any online jobs that are legitimate? I have put lots of apps in, etc. I'm looking for jobs not online too. UGH. But, there is a job that may be available soon that I REALLY want a lot. But, more on that later. I'm praying though!
Ms X

Thursday, August 18, 2011

A day in the life

I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday. I had a whole "blog worth" of stuff to blog about. Well, now today there is a whole other "thing" to blog about.

Yesterday morning my mother in law came over to talk to us. She was a mess. She was bawling and extremely upset. She was desperate. She was very sorry for the way she has been. She moved back in last night. I made the decision. Hubby basically told her no (that she couldn't come back), then went to bed (which he did need to do, he works 3rd shift). So, that meant it was left up to me. I'm not an evil cold hearted person. I let her come back. No, I didn't want to. But, I just could not do that.

Yesterday, maybe the day before, my sister..the one who had "cut me off" a few years ago for things I didn't even do, cut me off again. I was/am very hurt by the things she is now accusing me off, and the whole thing is really stupid. Basically she thought I was ignoring her when she tried to talk to me online, and it escalated into me discriminating against her because I "said I wouldn't want to be on tv next to her because she is so skinny and pretty and I'm not". Yes, I'm serious. What was the actual conversation we had in June? She said that the two of us ought to do a cooking show, I said "maybe so but right now you'd have to be the one on tv, they wouldn't want me". I could go on and on, but, eh. Then, I sent a very nice apologetic email to her explaining things and she sent an email back saying she didn't read it. Again, I am leaving a lot out. Too much to tell.

Tonight we got a call from the daycare. I've mentioned the place many times. They are being evicted tomorrow. The place has a lot of children, and a lot of employees. There is so much going on with all of that. The whole situation is so sad. There are a lot of employees that will have a serious hardship over this. My own family is barely hanging on as it is. This is going to hit us hard too. But, some of these people that work there, it is their whole livelihood. We have several wonderful women who are in their 70s and 60s. We have newly married people, 2 pregnant employees. It's insane. Not to mention, my former best friend and former boss, the one who has caused me so much grief. She and her family may literally be losing everything. She is like another dysfunctional sister to me. They are like our family. So, anyway, after the call I called my daughter, who is also having a very hard time right now. I brought my two daughters and my oldest daughter's girlfriend with me to the daycare and we helped move things out until 3 am. The director was there at one point and she said that if she were me she wouldn't have even come out there. That surprised me coming from her. What she meant was that after the way I've been treated, she wouldn't have done it if she were me. Why do I do it? I don't know. I want to be there for people. I treat others like I would want to be treated.

We've been VERY tight on money. It's been bad. My husband has a check from her that may very likely bounce. I spent all day waiting on a phone call so I can go get help on my electric bill. I hope they'll call me tomorrow. I've never done this before, you have to call the one place at 8 am. If you can get a referral to the other place, they have 2 days to call you back to come in. If you miss the call, you can't ask for help for 6 more months. I am praying they can help, and that I don't miss the call. We've not had milk and barely any groceries. This really sucks. I just said earlier today that I am well aware things could be a lot worse. Then this happens with the daycare. But, it could still be MUCH worse, I would really prefer it get BETTER at this point. I wanted to play the lottery tonight, but couldn't even scrape up enough change. lol The people I would help if I won!

Anyway, I had wanted to rant about the mother in law, didn't have time. I don't have any time to rant at all. I may be having someone come over to try to rescue me from my math. I just need to pass this class. Really. I do. I HATE having to take this class more than I can even begin to say. It will be another huge bump in the road and financial hit if I fail it. Hubby is also in a class right now...I hope he's doing ok.

I'm done now. hopefully I can wind down and go to sleep soon.