Saturday, March 13, 2010

Time to spring forward

Hello! Lame title, huh? Everyone teases me that this is my least favorite day of the year, the day we turn our clocks forward and lose an hour. UGH. Looks like I'll be right here to see it change on my laptop. Wow, how exciting! LOL

I have been up late a lot lately, I need to do something about it. Earlier I was really wired, my husband asked how much caffeine I had had. Sadly, I hadn't had any. I have really questioned my own sanity the last couple of days anyway. Yesterday during the middle of the day I suddenly got really sad and was bawling. My husband asked me what was wrong and I didn't know. I kept telling him that there was really nothing that had set me off, I was literally just very sad. It went on for a couple of hours. A lot of the time the past few days I have been highly irritable too. I've had a lot of issues with my sugar being low the past few days and my husband seems to think that every time I'm a "raging psycho" it directly correlates to my sugar. Unfortunately, I don't think it necessarily does.

There are a lot of things to be happy about, a lot of things that make me smile, things to be excited about. I have some VERY good friends and family that are wonderful and care a lot about me. I am SO excited about my job and my co-workers. I know that I am blessed in MANY ways.

I have had a lot of things to deal with that are very stressful too. My mom just got out of the hospital this week for one thing, and found out this week that she needs cataract surgery on both eyes (unrelated to the hospital stay). She will get them done one at a time, starting later this month. My mother-in-law has moved in with us, there is a lot to deal with there. I get frustrated a lot by a lot of things, but, I always try to consider how it feels to be in her shoes. (Hey, I just watched my clock go from 1:59 to 3:00) Dealing with each of my children has its challenges. Though I am blessed and I love them all. There's just a whole lot of stuff going on. All the way around.

Oh, I lost 4 pounds. I weighed myself today, after breakfast and a ton of water actually, and I'm 4 pounds down from the day I went to the doctor's office. Cool. My back has been hurting a lot the past few days, though not half as bad as it was for those months. Walking around the store today was really hurting, lifting my leg to put it into my truck hurt. Etc. Plus, the issues with the foot pain. Sciatic pain in my thigh isn't so bad, the knee hurts off and on the past couple of days. So, I'll be sleeping in my chair when I do attempt to go to bed eventually. Hopefully that will help. Hubby works 1st shift in a couple of hours, then tomorrow starts back on 3rd shift again. Another adjustment! It's one of several to come, but, I think it will all be a good thing once we get going.

Just wanted to share. Now I'm going to reserve all the Carrie Underwood CDs I can at the library because I just discovered I like her. Did you know you can listen to all of her songs on her website? I love modern technology!! I also love the things I can do at my library! I watched the Hangover last night, got it from the library, I thought it was funny. Warning, many would NOT find it funny. LOL

Well, I hope everyone is well!

Ms X

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Survey says....

Hello! I had my appointment today. It seems like it was pointless. The doctor said I can get steroid injections in my spine, I can go do physical therapy, I can get into an exercise plan and see a nutritionist. Oh, and, I need an MRI. Really? So, basically, when my doctor's office made this appointment, nothing was entered into the computers at all. They don't even have a copy of my x-ray, or anything. I told everyone I saw there today that I was told I could sign something and they could have my x-ray's sent, and my records. They never did bring me anything to sign (as far as patient records went). So, I feel like nothing was learned and my time was wasted. To them, I'm just another morbidly obese person.

After that, my boss wanted my hubby and I to stop over. We were there for a few hours with her and my future co-workers. I had more problems moving around and feeling ok there than I did at the appointment! How irritating!! We talked about having our own little weight watchers thing at work. I'm WAY bigger than everyone else there combined, but, there are some there that are doing weight watchers.

As for physical therapy, I am going to see if there's somewhere close I can do it. I am also considering talking to my old trainer and seeing if he'll help me with my back, exercises. My husband says he's afraid of him and doesn't want to get near him, the man is insane. But, he genuinely cares. If I can convince him that this is not "The Biggest Loser" and that I don't even WATCH that show, and that he needs to take it EASY on me, maybe I can work with him. I mean, really, I worked with him and got under 400 before. Then my husband came back from sea and insisted we go workout together and take TURNS. Yes, seriously. I was MISERABLE. I told my hubby I NEVER wanted to work out with him again. I liked to go and WORKOUT the whole time, not stop after each thing and watch him do it. It's not like we were spotting each other on free weights. That was over 5 years ago. When we moved into our house, we discovered that the trainer lives up the street from us. LOL. I walked into a (work related) training one night a couple of years ago and he was standing in front of the room. I went "Oh God no" and all of the innocent (home childcare) providers were looking up at me innocently with the "whatever can you mean?" looks on their faces. Two hours later we had one girl that had passed out, and the rest of them were pleading with their eyes and looking at him like he was the devil. Our normal trainers had to ask him to let us stop so we could proceed with our normal training. The thing about it is, back then I was only limited by fat being in the way, otherwise I could do the things he asked of me, and I always did. He would push me and push me. I don't even think shows like "The Biggest Loser" were out yet. Now, I do run into him on occasion, the funniest thing is that he has (on more than one occasion) been behind me in line at the grocery store. He buys all of the healthy, vibrant organic foods. I have crap. Now, in my defense...I was buying for a houseful of adults and children, the sodas and chips weren't for me. LOL. Now, give me something chocolate, give me comfort foods, hearty meals...I'm on it!!! It always made me laugh to have him behind me in line. So, I'm about to call him. May God be with me.

Oh..before I go...I was reading about a 700 lb woman online today, wow, there are SO many horrible comments on these articles!! People are vicious!! Every time I read the comments on these, it disturbs me.

I hope everyone is well, and thanks for your support. :)

Ms X

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I said "mama" not "drama"!!

I really did say I want my mama!!! There has been so much going on this past week, it's almost a blur! Drinking myself to unconsciousness or trying "special" brownies has never been more appealing!

My mother-in-law moved in with us Monday, which was also my son's birthday, this was pre-planned, and was something I decided we needed to do for her. I knew it would be a huge adjustment for all of us, but would be the best thing for her, and would even be a good thing for us. That's a very long story, but, she needs to be in a less hostile environment, among other things. With her comes her dog, I am pretty sure we are running an animal shelter here. Without the smells but with the noise and chaos. Yes, that brings our count to 4 small dogs, and 4 cats.

So, my own mother got put in the hospital on Tuesday. She had a very rough week but was sent home today. She lives several states away, so, I wasn't able to go see her. On Wednesday, my mother-in-law lost a very close friend, the woman was really like another family member to everyone. Even though the friend had been in very poor health for several years, and had been in the hospital close to death for several days, my mother-in-law had not prepared herself at all for her death and was completely shocked when it happened. The friend also lives several states away. Obesity ultimately killed her, by the way.

My husband has been telling me for weeks that he wants to step down from his supervisor position at work because they are "head hunting" there. He has spent a lot of time fighting for others to keep their jobs and not get fired. There has been a lot of stress coming out of that job for him lately. Several people have been fired, etc. So, Wednesday he calls me and says "I either need to step down, or I'm getting fired". Well, gee...if you put it that way...So, he knew I didn't want him to step down because if he steps down, who is going to fight for him, and everyone else? If he steps down, the good things he brings to the environment, as a lead, won't be there. Not to mention, it's a hefty pay cut. Obviously, a hefty pay cut is a huge deal, but, it's not my only concern. So, I find out that night that he didn't step down after all. But, unfortunately, the next day he was put on...I can't think of the word...but, put out of work for 3 days over something he didn't do, something nobody actually did. Something ridiculous. So, now he is getting an attorney involved, etc. I have been mega stressed over this. This alone would be more than enough to stress me out. The rest of the household doesn't even know this is going on. I'm thinking someone may notice his lack of going to work on days he normally would!

So, then there is the issue of my children. I won't even get into it but I have had multiple issues with the three of them all week. I've wanted to just crawl into a hole, unfortunately, I am too fat to fit.

Though the center is coming along great, the dates they gave us for being done didn't happen. I'm thinking we'll be able to start setting it up soon, but, I would be shocked if we could open by April 1st. My best friend, and owner, is really feeling some stress lately. She's got a lot going on anyway, and now she is losing business too. People were told we'd open March 1st. Now it will be at least April, at best. Now there are a lot of people who may not sign up that were going to, not to mention, we won't have a pre-kindergarten class at all until fall now. There are a lot of things that will cost her a lot of money happening now.

I finally have my pain management appointment on Tuesday, though I am very nervous about going. I am actually nervous about the drive there more than anything. Well, if my husband really is off, I guess that will be an opportunity for him to go with me! I'll be glad when the appointment is over though.

I have a "to do" list a MILE long for tomorrow. I also have actual work to get done for my job. I also have to work in my classes. I could employ a full time staff of 10 24/7 to do the things I need to get done, and they would stay busy for months. Yet, here I blog. Oh well, it keeps me sane. I may be the only one who even reads it.

My sugar levels have been all over the place, based on how I feel, and the readings I've had since I found my missing testing kits. My pain hasn't been constant, now that I think about it. When I am still, sometimes I am pain free. Though I have random things that flare up. Thank GOD though! I don't have any sciatic pain or foot pain at the moment. I have been having bad foot pain lately, and sciatic pain much of the time. My right knee/leg has been the worst thing, if I move it it hurts a lot, but, I can sit still and not feel pain. Of course, I am highly medicated as I say all of this. I noticed today that I walk almost normal (for me) now. So, though it was hurting a lot earlier, my leg is doing better. My back is better too. Ugh...I moved my leg and now I can feel the sciatic pain. I can also feel the pain in my foot. Well, it's obviously doing better though. There was nothing that would ease any of the pain before.

For anyone that might actually still be following my blog, I thank you. For anyone that made it through this long winded, boring post...I thank you!!!

Ms X