No, I didn't meet him. I just kinda feel like him today. Wow, I just about had a panic attack because I couldn't change the color and style of my font before typing, I figured it out, and yes, I have issues. Perhaps I shouldn't blog while super doped up on pain meds, but, I'm anonymous to most who read it.
I have had several good cries today. Some profound thoughts, that have all gone away thanks to the pain meds. Too bad I can't get some pain relief AND think clearly. I have found myself to be HIGHLY irritable today, as well as extremely emotional and I've cried as often as I've freaked out and yelled at my dogs, and some humans. Of course, the dogs keep barking at every little thing they see or hear outside. I'm beginning to think that the de-barking surgery isn't so inhumane. Especially considering the other things I've thought of doing to the dogs today. I'm just sayin.
So, today I go to the doctor. I love that man. Apparently the pain management people won't take me either. I'm even too fat for them. I'm feeling the love. So, now he's looking into the mayo clinic's facilities. I did some blood work, and, as usual, when I went to pee in the cup, it fell in the toilet. At this size, I'm just not that capable of peeing in a cup without it causing some drama. I think I'll try that stupid thing next time that you put under the seat and then pour the pee into the cup. So, anyway, I then went to a "spa" place to get a product I've heard from friends works "great" called biofreeze. The people at the spa were polite to me, I'll give them that. But, I'm pretty sure the lady lied when she said she uses it on her own sciatic pain. Also, the whispers and look of fear in their eyes that I might request they massage me or something added to my feelings of being "elephant manish". Wow, the spell check thing is underlining words today! I'm not changing them either...I want them written that way! I was thinking that maybe getting my eyebrows waxed and stuff might make me feel a little better. She asked if I could come back tomorrow, no. So, one of these days I'll do it. Sometimes when I get them waxed the people treat me like a human, other times they act like they're afraid I'm contagious. I always shower and put on clean presentable clothing before going. I even brush my teeth and hair. I don't know if they're afraid I'm contagious, or if they're afraid I'll eat them.
Ok..random thought time...a few years ago my friend and I were getting Wendy's for our families. We each have 3 kids and a husband so the two of us were getting food for 10 people. My friend, at that time, was close to my size. So, we were both over 400 lbs. I could tell the people at the drive through were thinking it was for us so I was being obnoxious about it saying we were hungry and stuff like that. I thought it was hilarious. She didn't. Oh well. I thought I mine as well have fun with it.
Ok, so, anyway. Everywhere I went today I just felt like I was this grotesque freak. Wow, just had a flashback. Ok, I should really post old pictures of me, and even new ones. When I was in the Navy I was within weight standards and when I look back at pictures I looked GOOD. So, when I was on the ship, this one chick made "boom boom boom" noises every time I walked near her. She was really obnoxious about it and couldn't stand the fact that I existed. I had never done anything to her, but, she hated me. So, she always made it clear to me that I was a huge cow, heiffer, freak. It's so ironic to look back at things like that and then look at me now. I became what people like her told me I was then. I truly believed I was all of those things then. But, actually BEING that big, actually having the problems I have, all of it, it's not fun.
I was going to blog more, I had a lot to say today, but, I just can't think strait right now. I hope everyone is well.