Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween! This is probably the first year I actually kind of got into it and liked it in many years. I was pleasantly surprised that the children, of all ages, were mostly polite. I enjoyed seeing the children in their costumes. I got to see two of my old daycare children and really enjoyed that! They are still as adorable as ever!!

I was in a super hyper mood tonight, worse than the children that are all sugared up!! Ok, well, I hope everyone had a great Halloween..tomorrow starts NOVEMBER. That means I get Veteran's day off, and also Thanksgiving and the day after! Yay! While I'm at it, I'll be winning the lottery in November. ;)
Ms X

Tomorrow is Friday!

Here I go, writing while medicated again. Good grief! Took me 4 tries to type the title correctly. LOL. My last post was rather lengthy, I apologize if I ramble and repeat myself. I had a LONG day at work, only been home an hour, it's 10pm. I don't know why this thing never reflects the actual time I post, but, it doesn't matter. Probably a time zone thing or something. The meeting this morning went well. Got back from that and took daughter back to doctor to make sure her arm isn't broken. No, I didn't beat the older one up. The younger one hurt herself in cheerleading and sprained it, I was just concerned that it was mis-diagnosed after everyone told me their own horror stories. My own doctor said it's fine, I trust him. Wow...it's telling me there are a lot of typos, I'm usually an anal freak about spelling and grammar but will try not to care tonight!! Anyway, was hoping to go home early today. But, we had a meeting after work that none of us knew about! Yay us! So, I go back after my daughter's appointment and immediately got sent into a classroom. It was infants, and they are VERY cute! As much as I adore them, I would rather have gone home. But, anyway, after I was done working in the infant room, it was almost time for the meeting. I have great co-workers. Thank God for that, but, would still rather have been home. My family foraged and ate leftovers because I didn't plan for the meeting and got home so late. Poor family! I got a hug from my son, who is now asleep. Yelled at the oldest on the phone on the way home. sigh. My other daughter is asleep too. I love my family, I love being with my family. I hate not getting to see them. I don't understand how so many people don't enjoy being with their children. When my husband had my daughter at my job today after her appointment, I was upset because she's not allowed in the infant room. She loves all of the kids and loves babies, but, it's a rule that the "younger" kids can't be in there. She's 14, she's 6' tall, she's been raised around other people's children. Really?? She is CPR and first aid certified. So, she has to hang out in my office if I'm in that room.
So, I don't know if I'm going to be a hippie, or just wear my pajamas to work. If I wear my pajamas, and can find my missing "rocker boot" I'll also bring a teddy bear and my monkey snuggie. Otherwise I can wear my tie dye shirt and try to find other hippie stuff. Should have thought of this sooner. Sigh. I had ideas. I work in a daycare. An evil bunny was one of them, a co-worker was willing to join me. I could be Santa Clause, but, should have thought of that before I finally had my face waxed. Nothing like confusing the kids. I do have a long red sweatshirt thing and red pajama pants that match each other...hmmm...and somewhere I have one of those hats...
A co-worker and I are going to write a Squirrel book together. I came up with all of the ideas, it's hysterical. It's a book kids would like but adults would get what's actually funny about it, kind of like a Disney movie. The weird thing is, after this book idea I have come (randomly) across tons of squirrel pictures on places like facebook. Then, a squirrel actually started coming into our yard and eating out of our hands. How weird is that??? The person working on it with me is a great artist. I'm not. Can't wait to have time for our book!
I miss my mom. A lot. It's so weird. There's just this big hole there forever now. I've lost a lot of other people that I cared about, I've shed tears for them many times and have had dreams about them. One of them is my aunt, my cousin posted an old picture of her tonight and I thought about how much I always loved her. My "grandma" died on Christmas day 2 (or 3) years ago, her passing has been the source of many tears. My "grandpa" died 9 years ago. There have been others. But, the point is, no matter how much I've thought about them, cried, had dreams, etc, nothing has compared to my mom. I don't even know how other people can deal with the losses they go through. I don't want to ever have to know. I know several people who have suffered multiple losses. I know people who've lost spouses, children, both parents, siblings, etc. My heart breaks every time someone loses someone, especially now. Someone I don't particularly like lost her brother recently. I had met him before, it broke my heart when she lost him. I know so many strong people who have been through so much more than me. They all keep me going. I know some amazing people who I adore, many of them are much older than me. Of course, we all know, just because they're older, doesn't mean I will outlive them. Though I'd prefer they live to be 130 and I live to be 100+. I always think about those people who get really old and outlive all of their descendants.
I'm SO babbling. I got a B+ in my class. Gotta send MORE stuff to them for financial aid. OMG that drives me INSANE! It had the wrong date on it when I faxed it, really??? So, yeah. I should have it straightened out and will start my next class within the next couple of weeks.
Ok, so, thanks to all of you who read my blog, I really love getting feedback and appreciate it! Debby...you are awesome! You ALWAYS make me laugh and I love you dearly!!! There have been several times I've laughed so hard I've cried while talking to you online, my family thought I was insane. How I wish we lived closer so we could get together in person!!!!
Ms X

Hello!

Hello! How is everyone?? I keep thinking about blogging but I'm never actually near the computer when I think about it. Doesn't it always work that way? I think of plenty of things to write about while in the shower or driving.

I just finished a class this week, yahoo, yay me! I haven't got my grade back yet, I probably got a B though. I should have got an A but had a lot going on. When DON'T I have a lot going on? I enjoyed the class, wish it could have gone on longer. I often feel that way at the end of a class, that I wish it had gone on longer.

I've been at work a lot more hours than I would like, it's been around 40 a week. That's normal for most people. I had originally agreed to work for her if I worked mostly from home. I also said I did not want to work in the classroom. Now I work only from work, am often in the classroom, and I'm pretty much on a schedule. I have so many things that aren't getting done. By the time I get home I am in a lot of pain, a lot. I am supposed to see a gyn for a serious problem I've been having, I haven't been able to make the appointment yet and now it looks like I'm about to run into a problem because I wasn't able to go.

This week I have a lot going on at work that I have to be there for, something I MUST fax out and the fax was down today, a class I absolutely MUST be in for work, and my son's teacher wants a conference. I have stuff I need to fax for my financial aid, or I'll lose it and won't be able to continue with my classes, our ink is out here and it's been a mess trying to get that done. I think I have all of my paperwork together, then I am missing something, then I have to find a way to get it printed, etc. Then, at work they lost my copy of my college diploma and CDA. So, I'll be digging for those things, as well as my High school diploma that I think is in the attic. To think I used to be meticulously organized. sigh.

I'm still struggling and finding ways to pay all my bills, it's nuts. Hubby is retired military, works two jobs, I work full time, we both go to school, and we live paycheck to paycheck, struggling to make our bills. Yes, we have been fools in the past and now have the debt to prove it!! There are definitely some things I would do differently if given the chance! In the past two months I have had two of my payroll checks from my boss bounce. That has caused some humiliation and problems. She has reimbursed me though. I have to get all of the documentation to prove to her what all of the charges were. I need to get printer ink, huh?

I really do have a "to do" list ten miles long. My list of things to pay and things I need to be able to pay for is even longer. My list of doctor's appointments I need to make is pretty darn long too. When I had home daycare, when the children napped in the afternoons I was able to make phone calls, pay bills, clean, etc. I did laundry while they were here, I started dinner while they were here. They would do something at the table while I made dinner. I was also here when my children came home. I knew there were a lot of advantages to working from home, I really miss that ability now. I loved the kids I had, and love the kids at the daycare I'm at now. I won't go back to home daycare for a lot of reasons. I do wish I were in a better situation at work now though. My boss and former best friend was in a mood with me again today where she seemed like she hated me. She was fine with everyone else. It was such a contrast it was pretty blatant to me. I LOVE my co-workers a lot. I love my job when I can actually do it. She makes a lot of things complicated for a lot of people. I'm worried she's going to get taken to jail because of the many checks she's bounced. There just always seems to be so much going on there, and here too.

My mother in law is back from rehab. My girls liked saying she was in rehab. LOL. My oldest had a surprise birthday party Tuesday, well, her friend had it for her and I helped her friend a lot. It was on a boat that the friend paid an astronomical amount of money for. It was a beautiful night and we all had fun. But, she didn't do the best job in the way she invited people and only 13 people were there. My daughter is currently at another party that she planned for herself right now. She brought her cousin home with her, my daughter got dressed all up in a new outfit she just bought, and ran out the door holding the extra cake I bought for the other party. Well, I hope they take pictures.

There's NEVER a dull moment in my house, EVER. I'd love to have one once in a while! The other day I was getting ready for work and my oldest daughter broke it to me that she has a girlfriend. No matter how much you support your gay and lesbian friends, when it's your child, all you can think about is how much they'll have to deal with from it. Of course, it wasn't a surprise. In fact, she came to me and said "I have something to tell you but I think you already know". I said "What, you have a girlfriend?" So, I am still getting ready for work, processing the confirmation of what I suspected, and my other daughter texts me saying her school is on fire. Well, it ended up being ok and after a couple of hours the kids all went back in the building. I guess there was an alarm pulled and a bomb threat. Nice. So, this was all before work. There's always drama unfolding at work. Like the day someone got fired, that wasn't pretty. So, anyway, I ended up going to work, but wishing I could crawl into a corner and eat my hair.

Today my husband called me at work and yelled at me. Then I don't know why my boss was having issues with me, she was hardly there today. She gets like that with me. Then, I was leaving work and was on the phone with hubby and he yelled at me again on the phone, and hung up on me. Before he eventually got home he texted me and apologized for it, but, it really sucks when you have days like that. Two of the ladies that are both around 70 fell at work today. But, on the bright side, there are so many adorable babies and children that smile and melt my heart. I admit, I have my favorites. Though they are all adorable. I like the infant room the best, there are a few in there that light up and love on me when I hold them. Nothing beats that! I guess I can say the same thing about the ones in the toddler room, there are some in there that give the best hugs!

My weight was down a few more pounds when I weighed myself last week. I haven't weighed myself this week yet. I have a new mole on my face...EUWW...Why Why Why me??? Also, if my daughter doesn't wax my eyebrows and mustache this weekend like I've been begging her to do, I'll be mistaken for chewbacca when we have our pictures professionally done at work this week. That could be awkward...but..it is almost halloween...hmmm...the potential. Actually, I asked a fellow co-worker if she wanted to be evil bunnies with me for Halloween. If my costume frightens the children, I'll get sent home! K...I guess I'll close for now.
Ms X

Arghh!

Ok, this is a random rant. I hate bra manufacturers. I am very fat but have very small boobs. I finally broke down and ordered a size B cup in a 50 inch circumference. It swallows my boobs! It has underwire and padding, which had me all excited, but, it's HUGE. Really?? Last time I checked...a B cup is NOT that big!! Do they just not understand that concept? Also, in the pictures, the women had cleavage. Yes I thought...cleavage! Nope. The material, as usual, covers me up. But, it doesn't go up to my neck as half of them do. Most of my shirts are HUGE up top and sag so I have to wear a tank top under them. I try really hard to get clothing that fits properly, it's almost impossible, if not impossible. I have a big butt, big belly, and small boobs. I wanted a bra that would present the girls and make them feel sexy, well, my girls are disappointed again. They are destined to be swallowed up in fabric, swaddled like little twin babies. (one of them is bigger than the other, but, that's a whole other subject) Why can't I have a pretty, sexy, fitting bra with support, padding, and cleavage???? People who aren't fat get the bras that push up the girls, provide padding, and expose lots of skin. UGH! My husband even said he'd make me bras! That could be fun, but, it will cost a lot of money. We could make some cute ones though!! Ok, done ranting.
Ms X

Hi!

Hi everyone! How are you doing? I haven't blogged in forever. I realize that my blog is the most boring blog I've seen, considering how obnoxious and goofy I am...it's strange!

This week is 3 months since my mom passed. This has been a very painful journey. I miss her so much. I'm happy to say that I have good days, they're not all bad days anymore. I miss her and think of her daily, but I do have days, even weeks, where I cry a lot. I know my previous sentence was written wrong, but I don't care. But, I miss mom a lot. My brother, who is up where she lived, missed her as much. He and I have really gotten close. He called the other night and both of us had been having a very hard night, we seem to have bad days on the same days. Mom's boyfriend and his family have been jerks about things. They made up "boxes" of her stuff for us, but a lot of it is giving us back our own pictures and stuff. Mom would be sooo mad at how we're being treated. I wanted her t-shirts and stuff for my kids to wear, they want them too. My brother and his wife would like some too. I would love some of the jewelry she wore all the time like the mother's ring I bought her. God knows we'll never see any of the jewelry though. Her boyfriend and his daughters are taking what they want and selling the rest. I really wish I lived closer, I wished I'd lived closer when she was alive. I'm so glad that she and my brother had so much time together before she passed, I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the many hours I spent on the phone with her. It just wasn't enough. I wish I'd recorded every word she ever said. I wish I'd saved every word she ever wrote. I wish I had taken lots of pictures, and lots of pictures of her and I. I have very few of those. Every time I think of how much my heart is broken, I think about people who have lost a spouse, a child, both parents, a sibling, or multiple people in their families. There are a lot of amazingly strong people out there. My brothers ex-wife lost both her parents and a sister all within a few years. She was close to all of them. She's such a strong woman! But anyway, there are good days and bad days. It's hard to comprehend going the rest of my life without my mom. I see the strength in other people and know I can do it. I wish my kids had had more time with her, that there were more pictures of them with her. I told someone the other day that she needed to take pictures of herself with her mom and her children, she had posted pictures of her mom's birthday. She agreed and told me she'd make sure she's in pictures with everyone.

My daughter is a few weeks into her college classes and is doing great! She finally got a car (to replace the one she wrecked in the spring) and it needs repairs already. She's doing well working part time so she should have it fixed soon. My class starts tomorrow, I am excited. I take one at a time but it's considered full time because it's fast paced. It looks like it will be interesting, and a lot of work. My husband is doing well in his classes too, as usual. He's also working the full time and part time job. My 2nd daughter is getting As and Bs so far in 8th grade and is very busy with cheerleading and band. My son is enjoying 5th grade and told me today that he learned how adrenalin works, then asked me how tears worked. He said he knows we have tear ducts but how do they work? How do certain things make us cry. I love it when they're inquisitive! I'm working more part time hours than full time at my job, some days are 8 hour days but others are 5 or 6. I honestly feel like I still don't have enough hours in the day to do things.

My mother in law is still living with us but had knee surgery this week and is now in re-hab for 3 weeks. It's been interesting to say the least. But, I always look at how she feels and how it would feel to be in her shoes when I get irritated with things. I think this is the best place for her, it's a long story. I wish I had a much bigger house and no debt and lots of money, I can dream, right?

I'm still sleeping in the chair 99% of the time. I am still in chronic pain pretty much constantly. My neuropain is pretty bad most of the time. My sciatic pain can be too. Up and down my legs, especially my right knee, hurt. I have various weird aches and pains, jolts of pain, etc. My shoulders have been in knots. My head has been hurting a lot the past couple of days, and off and on. It's a long list, huh? To top it off, I keep burning myself in the kitchen. I have been trying to move around a lot more still to get my body moving, but it sure does hurt! The weather is getting cooler, I want to go outside and take walks. This heat is not my friend though. I have been going back and forth with the same 10 pounds. I'm on the lower end of it now. It's getting old though. Need to get the weight off. It hasn't been the center of my universe though. A lot of times I only eat to take my meds or because I feel like I'm starving or because my sugar gets low.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. For anyone that reads my blog, thank you! Oh..I read on my kindle application on my ipod touch at night, I often have insomnia. I've read a lot of good books on there. I just wanted to share, and if anyone has any book recommendations or recipes, I'd love to have them!
Thanks!
Ms X

Broken heart

My mom passed away today. This really sucks, a lot. She passed away 9 hours ago and I just wish I could fall asleep now and stop hurting for the night. Everyone who knew mom is broken hearted today, we all love her and weren't ready for her to go. Mom was ready in the end, her body had just been through too much. I wish she could have stayed a lot longer. My birthday is a week from today, last year she was here for my birthday, she was supposed to be here again last week for my daughter's graduation. So, that's the last time we saw her, a year ago. Please have all of her loved ones in your prayers today.
Thanks

Good grief!!!

Hi everyone, how is everyone doing? It's been REALLY crazy here and I'm really hoping it doesn't get any crazier! My daughter graduated from high school Thursday, that's a good thing. My mom has been in the hospital over 3 weeks now. Not a good thing. She has had a lot of problems while there, she needs a lot of prayer. She has been off of the sedation for the past couple of days, but has an infection, has had pneumonia, her kidneys have failed, etc. Good news, the pacemaker they had her on isn't needed anymore! It's been a rough ride for her, I'm praying she gets better soon.

My brother and his wife had moved in with mom (moving from state to state and setting up residence) a couple of months ago, before she found out she needed the surgery. Mom's boyfriend has been kind of losing it for the past couple of years and sits around not contributing in any way other than being cranky all the time. Literally, no exaggeration. So, anyway, my brother's wife broke her ankle really bad about 2 weeks before mom's surgery. My mom's boyfriend only has one leg and a lot of medical problems and (now) mental problems. So, the night before surgery mom's boyfriend was treating her badly and being nasty, and my brother told him to lay off, etc. They had a big blow out, the night before her open heart surgery. So, mom and brother went to the hospital together in the morning and spent time together before her surgery. Since she's been there, even while unconscious she would react to her boyfrien being there, her blood pressure would go up, etc. Last week when she was more awake, she'd get upset and my brother would have to calm her down. Mom's boyfriend's family hasn't been there to help him, bring him to the hospital, bring him to his own appointments, or anything. My brother has had to do it all. So, last week my brother was drunk, I know he was because he was a jerk to me on the phone (though he apologized later). I'm sure he ran his mouth, I'm sure he was rude to mom's boyfriend. But, he kicked my brother and his sleeping wife (who cannot walk) out. Mom's boyfriend's daughter, who had called me a week before and said she didn't think her dad was stable anymore, was there to help kick my brother out, most of mom's boyfriend's family, who never supports him anyway, was there, along with the police. My brother and his wife left without any incident. (my niece came and got them). So, when mom is all better, and out....she will be done with her boyfriend. So, anyway, there's been a lot of stress and drama with my brother, etc. He and I have talked at least daily about mom, she is our main concern. We both just want her to be better and are both having a hard time dealing with it.

Ok, so, back here on the home front. I've been having issues with my best friend/boss. Many others at work have been too, she's not been her normal self. I know, you should never work with or for a friend, got it. Anyway, I agreed to be her assistant teacher while she teaches a class this summer. Class starts tomorrow. She and I butted heads Friday over something already. I knew it was a bad idea and knew I'd end up teaching it, this whole thing goes against our original agreement anyway. But, I figured I'd do my best and just do what I have to do and teach the class for 10 weeks. I told her to call me so I'd know what's going on and what we're doing, told her I'd come out today and work (though I had no desire to do it) So, she calls today and has broken her leg, badly. Really bad. She is in the hospital and in a lot of pain, even on the meds that are making her groggy. She has surgery tomorrow and will be in the hospital at least tomorrow night too. Her office administrator has one week left and there is nobody in place to train. Another teacher is leaving in 2 weeks and there is nobody in line for her spot either. It's a MESS!!!! My oldest daughter and I both work there, my younger daughter and son will be there for the summer program (at least at this point). We all have to get up VERY early tomorrow and try to do some damage control and make things work. Yes, I still have the chronic pain, etc. I even went out and got myself a nice crispy sun burn this weekend. This ought to be fun! But, that's what you do, no matter what. Step in and do whatever you can for your friends. I have another friend that just had a hysterectomy and is in bad health that has to start taking care of children again tomorrow because she can't afford not to, there is no way I can do anything to help her during the day either. I have mom up there I cannot be with, this sucks! But, in spite of it all, I'm in fairly good spirits. Thanks to anyone that read this whole rant, thanks even more for anyone who is praying!
Ms X