Hi! I'll be glad when today is over. I have had a rough week, unrelated to the juicing. Not to say that the juicing is easy, it is not. In fact, it downright sucks at times! But, I am ok. I am feeling pretty decent. I have noticed many changes. I was down 19 pounds this morning. Today is day 6. I canNOT complain about that!! I wore jeans yesterday, I noticed my ring that was VERY tight spinning around today. The changes I've already noticed are beyond amazing! I'm pretty ticked off that my left knee is still hurting a lot. I don't even know where that came from! But, the back is better. Today has sucked, a lot. But, tomorrow is a new day, and a new week. I am looking forward to going to sleep, that is for sure! I got my broken cpap machine replaced today, I love my cpap guy! My washer is broken. Laptop is still broken..no resurrection yet. Lawn mower..still broken. carpet shampooer..broken. Sadly, I am forgetting some things. lol. It's ok, life goes on either way. Did I already mention that my MIL ran away? I think I did. So, if I did, I also mentioned that she's coming back. That makes me sad. The past couple of days of not having her here have been nice. Ok, well, I am feeling really hungry so I'd better just go to bed and try to forget about it. lol. I am juicing in the morning and it will NOT include red pepper...GAG. I forced myself to drink ALL of the juice with red pepper in it. I am so glad THAT is gone!!!
Ms X
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Reports....
Hi! I know, lame title, right? Well, about 24 hours ago I was up in the middle of the night, just as I am now. I was writing my butt off on here. I was talking about profound thoughts I had, things I'd learned, what's been going on, etc. I even had a few parts that were actually humorous! Then I hit publish. That is when it all went away. It made me sad. Ok. So...on to now.
I am not planning on going into a lot of detail this time. Just reporting. With doctor's consent and lots of blood work, Tuesday I started a juice fast. I was fascinated with "fat,sick, and nearly dead" when I saw it on instant watch on netflix a few weeks ago. In it, the men do a 60 day juice fast. They were both in bad health and were desperate for a change. They had a lot of success. So, a few days after I watched the movie, a friend started her fast. She's on day 18 and feels great. The only thing I can say is that I'm drinking the minimum juice and need to kick it up some, I don't need to be stupid and starve myself. I've learned and noticed TONS of things but now isn't the time to write them here. When I weighed myself this time last night I was down either 12 or 15 lbs, depending on whether the doctors scale matches ours or not. Either way, I am finishing day 4 now. So, for day 3, those numbers aren't bad! My back is feeling LOTS better already. My leg, still hurting. But, enough of that for now! There will be plenty more to report. I am going to the farmer's market tomorrow. I'll round up the remains of my spinach, apples, etc in the morning so I can juice before I go.
Mother in law ran away today. She and hubby got into a fight, she was completely in the wrong and was totally acting like a child. She even threatened to smack him in his face. Really? Basically, she lied, I witnessed it, and when he said "mom, you just lied" she freaked out. It was ugly and my blood pressure went sky high. So, she yelled "I hate living here" (oh, the irony in that statement) and he said "then leave". She slammed her door (I HATE that..how old is she?) then, an hour later her son came to get her (the other son) and she packed a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of stuff from the kitchen, and her dog and left. Hubby told her that he could have helped her, he wasn't mad at her, etc. She wouldn't speak to him. 45 minutes later she asked if she could come back. Man..for 45 minutes I was SO excited. But, she told him she'd be back in a few days.
My beloved laptop just up and died the other day. No reason, no warning. My c-pap machine died tonight. Well, it's not "dead" yet, but it is possessed. My son had knocked it over earlier and the water from the humidifier must have gotten into the machine. Thank God I have a backup cpap, it doesn't work right but it will hopefully do for now. I've already emailed my wonderful cpap man. My laptop, I'm hoping it makes a miraculous healing like my old one. I am on the old one now. The poor little thing looks so sad and lonely. I want them BOTH to work!
Finances suck since I'm basically unemployed right now, and unemployable. I told hubby I would just go get a job anywhere and he pointed out that I am having trouble just walking around. Good point. Plus they don't want someone who looks as I do. So, yeah, we need a miracle with finances. We've had a miracle every month, so, God can do all things!
In spite of the reports of this week, I am doing ok. I am trying to focus on bettering my health regardless of the circumstances. I am learning a lot. I would love to be able to do the fast for the 60 days, then the proper transition, then my own smart eating after that. I have to do this. I am feeling good though. I now understand that it will pass. My cravings, my feelings, etc. When I am cooking for the family and want so badly to eat their food, it passes. It's not worth it to ruin my fast. But, it's 3 am and I have a farmers market to go to in a few hours.
Oh! one more thing! My weight is down and my sugar has been down below 125 3 times this week! Amazing! Miracle! Woot Woot! lol
Ms X
I am not planning on going into a lot of detail this time. Just reporting. With doctor's consent and lots of blood work, Tuesday I started a juice fast. I was fascinated with "fat,sick, and nearly dead" when I saw it on instant watch on netflix a few weeks ago. In it, the men do a 60 day juice fast. They were both in bad health and were desperate for a change. They had a lot of success. So, a few days after I watched the movie, a friend started her fast. She's on day 18 and feels great. The only thing I can say is that I'm drinking the minimum juice and need to kick it up some, I don't need to be stupid and starve myself. I've learned and noticed TONS of things but now isn't the time to write them here. When I weighed myself this time last night I was down either 12 or 15 lbs, depending on whether the doctors scale matches ours or not. Either way, I am finishing day 4 now. So, for day 3, those numbers aren't bad! My back is feeling LOTS better already. My leg, still hurting. But, enough of that for now! There will be plenty more to report. I am going to the farmer's market tomorrow. I'll round up the remains of my spinach, apples, etc in the morning so I can juice before I go.
Mother in law ran away today. She and hubby got into a fight, she was completely in the wrong and was totally acting like a child. She even threatened to smack him in his face. Really? Basically, she lied, I witnessed it, and when he said "mom, you just lied" she freaked out. It was ugly and my blood pressure went sky high. So, she yelled "I hate living here" (oh, the irony in that statement) and he said "then leave". She slammed her door (I HATE that..how old is she?) then, an hour later her son came to get her (the other son) and she packed a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of stuff from the kitchen, and her dog and left. Hubby told her that he could have helped her, he wasn't mad at her, etc. She wouldn't speak to him. 45 minutes later she asked if she could come back. Man..for 45 minutes I was SO excited. But, she told him she'd be back in a few days.
My beloved laptop just up and died the other day. No reason, no warning. My c-pap machine died tonight. Well, it's not "dead" yet, but it is possessed. My son had knocked it over earlier and the water from the humidifier must have gotten into the machine. Thank God I have a backup cpap, it doesn't work right but it will hopefully do for now. I've already emailed my wonderful cpap man. My laptop, I'm hoping it makes a miraculous healing like my old one. I am on the old one now. The poor little thing looks so sad and lonely. I want them BOTH to work!
Finances suck since I'm basically unemployed right now, and unemployable. I told hubby I would just go get a job anywhere and he pointed out that I am having trouble just walking around. Good point. Plus they don't want someone who looks as I do. So, yeah, we need a miracle with finances. We've had a miracle every month, so, God can do all things!
In spite of the reports of this week, I am doing ok. I am trying to focus on bettering my health regardless of the circumstances. I am learning a lot. I would love to be able to do the fast for the 60 days, then the proper transition, then my own smart eating after that. I have to do this. I am feeling good though. I now understand that it will pass. My cravings, my feelings, etc. When I am cooking for the family and want so badly to eat their food, it passes. It's not worth it to ruin my fast. But, it's 3 am and I have a farmers market to go to in a few hours.
Oh! one more thing! My weight is down and my sugar has been down below 125 3 times this week! Amazing! Miracle! Woot Woot! lol
Ms X
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Mother in law is driving me mad
You know, I know a lot of people complain about their mother-in-law, I get that. However, I really do think my situation is unique. I swear it is! Let me give some examples.
A little while ago she was doing the loud obnoxious throat clearing hocker spitting thing into my kitchen trash. My. Kitchen. trash. Ok? For the record, the woman does that fairly often in various locations where she can spit. Oh. MY. GOD. Sorry to be gross. So, shortly after that I was coughing really hard. Because I had said "ooh gross" to her display of nastiness, she decided to say "ooh gross" to me. Really? Is it even the same thing??? No. No it is not.
Example number 2. Speaking of nasty. I have had to tell her on mutliple occasions to bathe. Yes, bathe. The thing normal people do at least once a day? She goes for weeks. Weeks. One day I finally broke down and told her she needed to bathe. She didn't. The next day she spent all day tearing her room apart (yes, she lives with us) only to find that the smell she was trying to find in her room was her. Disgusting. Sadly, I have had to tell her since then to bathe too. She has also had robes she wears over and over and hangs on the bathroom door that made me gag. I'm sorry, there is just no exuse at all for nastiness.
Example number 3. She's trying to go to school. She is not even a little bit bright. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm not, but the woman is very ...not smart. So, she is all about going to school. She tries to do EVERYTHING my husband, her son, does. He and I have been going to school for quite some time. Naturally, she has to go too. So, she tried to go online and within a few days she quit and was starting over this month. Within two days she couldn't do it online so she had to go to campus to do it. So, yesterday she was gone all day and night going to school on campus. She has to go back tomorrow and will be taking a placement test. The whole thing is such. a. joke.
Example number 4. One day she said that God was going to buy her the house next door. This is only an example of the things she says all the time. She picks and chooses scriptures and other things out of the Bible and makes them what she wants them to be. Let's just ignore scriptures that say "a lazy man will not eat" and go on to the ones that say "God will provide all your needs". All righty then. This was actually a long drawn out thing on the day she said God would buy her the house. It is way more in depth than I'm saying, but was extremely ridiculous.
Example number 5. Food. Since the food issue is such a long in depth one with her, I will only give 5 examples. She has always lied about food, though she "doesn't lie". She will sneak food, hoard food, you name it. She will eat something, then go "oh, you bought (name item here) can I have some?" Even though she already helped herself to some before asking, and now wants more. If someone makes something sweet she gets all excited, reacts like a child, and goes "num num num" and all kins of other noises. She has HUGE portions of EVERYTHING. She also adds to EVERYTHING no matter what it is and whether or not she's even had a taste of it. I have even told her that it's insulting to the cook (me). She herself cannot cook or bake. There are very few things she's made through the years that anyone has liked. She has rarely cooked since she's been here, and I'm ok with that. She recently went on a special "fast" and could only eat certain foods. I tried to tell her that she was nuking it and according to her fast just needed to eat fruits and vegetables and didn't need to go out and buy tons of special stuff. So, after talking to her and she was all gung ho over it, (which never lasts) I went and got a bunch of fresh fruits and veggies she'd mentioned. I got all the groceries with several things she'd asked for. I come home, cook dinner and she makes herself a salad. I find out later that she ate dinner too that night. The next day she ate what I cooked again (when I was out of the room). So, the next day I asked why she wasn't doing her fast and she made some excuse about it. So, then she was doing her fast for about a week. If she was sneaking anything, nobody saw her do it. Then she came home with chips and ramen noodles and said that God told her she can have those on her fast. um. ok. Long story short, she went off the fast officially because God told her to. So, I got chinese food for my husband and son and got her some too. As usual she didn't thank me, God forbid. As usual she complained. She said that she only eats fried rice because it's healthier than white rice. Um. what? I said "the yellow rice is white rice with a bunch of crap thrown in and then it's FRIED" She said, no, it's corn. (??) So, I looked up a bunch of white rice recipes that night and told her my findings. She said "I always thought it was healthier and was something else because it's yellow". I said "Why do you state so many things as fact when you've never done any research on them?" But, it's pointless. She forgets everything from one minute to the next. The sad thing is...I could go on with different things she does for HOURS. I am going insane.
Thanks for letting me vent a little
Ms X
A little while ago she was doing the loud obnoxious throat clearing hocker spitting thing into my kitchen trash. My. Kitchen. trash. Ok? For the record, the woman does that fairly often in various locations where she can spit. Oh. MY. GOD. Sorry to be gross. So, shortly after that I was coughing really hard. Because I had said "ooh gross" to her display of nastiness, she decided to say "ooh gross" to me. Really? Is it even the same thing??? No. No it is not.
Example number 2. Speaking of nasty. I have had to tell her on mutliple occasions to bathe. Yes, bathe. The thing normal people do at least once a day? She goes for weeks. Weeks. One day I finally broke down and told her she needed to bathe. She didn't. The next day she spent all day tearing her room apart (yes, she lives with us) only to find that the smell she was trying to find in her room was her. Disgusting. Sadly, I have had to tell her since then to bathe too. She has also had robes she wears over and over and hangs on the bathroom door that made me gag. I'm sorry, there is just no exuse at all for nastiness.
Example number 3. She's trying to go to school. She is not even a little bit bright. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm not, but the woman is very ...not smart. So, she is all about going to school. She tries to do EVERYTHING my husband, her son, does. He and I have been going to school for quite some time. Naturally, she has to go too. So, she tried to go online and within a few days she quit and was starting over this month. Within two days she couldn't do it online so she had to go to campus to do it. So, yesterday she was gone all day and night going to school on campus. She has to go back tomorrow and will be taking a placement test. The whole thing is such. a. joke.
Example number 4. One day she said that God was going to buy her the house next door. This is only an example of the things she says all the time. She picks and chooses scriptures and other things out of the Bible and makes them what she wants them to be. Let's just ignore scriptures that say "a lazy man will not eat" and go on to the ones that say "God will provide all your needs". All righty then. This was actually a long drawn out thing on the day she said God would buy her the house. It is way more in depth than I'm saying, but was extremely ridiculous.
Example number 5. Food. Since the food issue is such a long in depth one with her, I will only give 5 examples. She has always lied about food, though she "doesn't lie". She will sneak food, hoard food, you name it. She will eat something, then go "oh, you bought (name item here) can I have some?" Even though she already helped herself to some before asking, and now wants more. If someone makes something sweet she gets all excited, reacts like a child, and goes "num num num" and all kins of other noises. She has HUGE portions of EVERYTHING. She also adds to EVERYTHING no matter what it is and whether or not she's even had a taste of it. I have even told her that it's insulting to the cook (me). She herself cannot cook or bake. There are very few things she's made through the years that anyone has liked. She has rarely cooked since she's been here, and I'm ok with that. She recently went on a special "fast" and could only eat certain foods. I tried to tell her that she was nuking it and according to her fast just needed to eat fruits and vegetables and didn't need to go out and buy tons of special stuff. So, after talking to her and she was all gung ho over it, (which never lasts) I went and got a bunch of fresh fruits and veggies she'd mentioned. I got all the groceries with several things she'd asked for. I come home, cook dinner and she makes herself a salad. I find out later that she ate dinner too that night. The next day she ate what I cooked again (when I was out of the room). So, the next day I asked why she wasn't doing her fast and she made some excuse about it. So, then she was doing her fast for about a week. If she was sneaking anything, nobody saw her do it. Then she came home with chips and ramen noodles and said that God told her she can have those on her fast. um. ok. Long story short, she went off the fast officially because God told her to. So, I got chinese food for my husband and son and got her some too. As usual she didn't thank me, God forbid. As usual she complained. She said that she only eats fried rice because it's healthier than white rice. Um. what? I said "the yellow rice is white rice with a bunch of crap thrown in and then it's FRIED" She said, no, it's corn. (??) So, I looked up a bunch of white rice recipes that night and told her my findings. She said "I always thought it was healthier and was something else because it's yellow". I said "Why do you state so many things as fact when you've never done any research on them?" But, it's pointless. She forgets everything from one minute to the next. The sad thing is...I could go on with different things she does for HOURS. I am going insane.
Thanks for letting me vent a little
Ms X
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
What is that??
Hello! I was sitting here minding my own business on the computer and kept feeling a hair moving around on my face. There were a few other times today I had felt it. I kept trying to move the hair and finally determined that the hair was growing OUT of my face. I immediately became determined to get the hair out of my face as quickly as possible. Of course, when there is a facial hair emergency...the tweezers run and hide. Once I had the tweezers I pulled out the 1/2" long hair and was even more disturbed to see that half of it was white. So, not only did I somehow manage to have a long hair growing out of my face that blew in the wind...I'm so old that it was part white! Now, my question is this, HOW did I miss the hair before? How is it that I get waxed, I pluck, I stare at my face...yet I will suddenly notice a long hair blowing in the wind? I had another spot on my face that every once in a while I'd have a flowing long hair coming out of it. Somehow, that hair would be even longer. I am so disturbed right now. How does this happen?? I had the same face yesterday..and the day before...I look at it, I wash it. It really is a mystery. On that note...I always had very thick hair on my head that grew like a weed. Ok....fine...I had/have hair in other places that grows a lot too. Like my face. Anyway...I pull out hair in clumps...daily. I am really beginning to freak out over this. My hair is no longer thick like it used to be. I have a lot of hair, and it's long. (though I would prefer to have a "butch" haircut) but it is much thinner than it used to be, much. It's kinda freaking me out...I thought about getting that shampoo that makes your hair grow in thicker but when I wash my hair it would just go down my back and make me have flowing thick back and butt hair. sigh.
I just wanted to share. :)
Ms X
I just wanted to share. :)
Ms X
Friday, July 15, 2011
It's been a while!
It's been a while! I've been contemplating getting rid of this blog completely. Then, I've also considered re-vamping it. My posts have been very gloomy and doomy and I'm not a gloomy doomy person. So. I'm still not sure what I'm doing! As for weight loss and health issues, those will be topics of interest to me for a VERY long time. They'll always be a topic, health is important. Even when I am eventually being hailed as a goddess on a tropical island, I will still be concerned about health. However, there is a lot more that I think about than that. I love my family, they are actually first in my life. I have a lot of people that are very important to me. I know that GOD should be first, and hasn't been. That's a whole other subject. I still love books. I graduate in December (if all goes well!) with my bachelor's in Psychology. I will be spending the next few months doing lots of math, statistics, etc. I have an interest in a lot of things such as gardening, crafts, etc. Not that I am currently doing any of those things. I LOVE cooking and baking. That includes healthy cooking and baking. I am interested in Raw stuff. I am interested in juicing. I am very well rounded in my cooking/baking interests. I follow a lot of blogs and have made many successful recipes from several of the blogs I follow.
What's been going on? I've been sick off and on. Hubby has been sick off and on and had a minor surgery. My oldest daughter's friend wrecked her car, so, she is without one again. Now my daughter doesn't live very close to us and doesn't have a car either. My younger two have become house hermits during the summer. They run screaming from sunlight. Ok, they're not that bad. At least the girl child isn't. My mother-in-law. How often have I mentioned her? She lives here. I could write a book about it. There just aren't enough words to describe the experience that is my mother-in-law. Work? Haven't done much of that this summer. I wanted the summer off to enjoy summer and enjoy my children. Also to get projects done. Wow..running out of time on all of that, aren't I? My weight has gone up and down 20 pounds for a while now. It's at the lower end but I am ready to go below that! I haven't been lower than where I am now in a LONG time.
Anyway!! Blah blah blah, right? I love all the witty funny blogs with lots of pictures and funny stories. I'm "anonymous" and a few people I know have access, nobody else that knows me does. So, I managed to make things complicated for my blog, huh? I initially was going to write what I was thinking and feeling but that isn't always the case anyway. It's not completely anonymous. I've been thinking of doing a different blog, one that I can let anyone see. But, what are the odds of THIS..two of my sisters have separately asked my opinion on what THEY should do for a blog this week. But of course! So, if I do do a blog that I share with people I know...the timing really sucks for that too. So, I could re-vamp this one and make it more fun, etc. I could check in every now and then and update, or, I could make another one completely. I know I have a few faithful followers, and I thank those of you who are, it means a lot to me! I'd love to know what everyone thinks. So, what does everyone think?
Thanks!
Ms X
What's been going on? I've been sick off and on. Hubby has been sick off and on and had a minor surgery. My oldest daughter's friend wrecked her car, so, she is without one again. Now my daughter doesn't live very close to us and doesn't have a car either. My younger two have become house hermits during the summer. They run screaming from sunlight. Ok, they're not that bad. At least the girl child isn't. My mother-in-law. How often have I mentioned her? She lives here. I could write a book about it. There just aren't enough words to describe the experience that is my mother-in-law. Work? Haven't done much of that this summer. I wanted the summer off to enjoy summer and enjoy my children. Also to get projects done. Wow..running out of time on all of that, aren't I? My weight has gone up and down 20 pounds for a while now. It's at the lower end but I am ready to go below that! I haven't been lower than where I am now in a LONG time.
Anyway!! Blah blah blah, right? I love all the witty funny blogs with lots of pictures and funny stories. I'm "anonymous" and a few people I know have access, nobody else that knows me does. So, I managed to make things complicated for my blog, huh? I initially was going to write what I was thinking and feeling but that isn't always the case anyway. It's not completely anonymous. I've been thinking of doing a different blog, one that I can let anyone see. But, what are the odds of THIS..two of my sisters have separately asked my opinion on what THEY should do for a blog this week. But of course! So, if I do do a blog that I share with people I know...the timing really sucks for that too. So, I could re-vamp this one and make it more fun, etc. I could check in every now and then and update, or, I could make another one completely. I know I have a few faithful followers, and I thank those of you who are, it means a lot to me! I'd love to know what everyone thinks. So, what does everyone think?
Thanks!
Ms X
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
It's true...being fat will eventually kill you!!!!
How's the for an attention grabber? You know what, I don't want to die. I should have realized this a long time ago. I am up most nights in a lot of pain. I have diabetic neuropathy in my feet, it is now in my lower legs too. For anyone who has not experienced this sensation, be glad! My feet are constantly sensitive, almost constantly in a lot of pain, they tingle, they burn, they have sharp jolts of pain going through them, all at the same time! The jolts of pain, fortunately, are more at night. I take a ton of meds for various things in the evening and just wait for them to kick in so the pain is dulled and I can sleep. Last night I resorted to going barefoot and changing the blanket on my stool that I sleep with my feet on. What the heck does it take for me to wake up and DO what I need to DO? I was (long distance) with a friend who is like a sister to me all through her ordeal before her husband succumbed to diabetes complications and passed away at 39. This was about 4 years ago. What is WRONG with me? It was hell when my mom died in June. I suffer EVERY day with a lot of pain. I have severe neuropain, back pain, (I can only sleep in a recliner, every once in a while I'll sleep a few hours in my bed because my other pain is so much, but I pay later!), I sleep with a cpap machine. I have been carrying around 300 extra pounds for several years now. When I walk things pop and crackle. My knees are bad, though they aren't flaring every day. My hip has issues. I have a lot of sciatic pain from my back problems in my thighs and, oddly enough, my butt cheeks. Or is it odd? Maybe that's "normal". I'm pretty sure that a normal person couldn't carry 300 lbs on their back at all, let alone ALWAYS. Now, add that to all of my aches and pains. Oh, I now have tendonitis in my right arm, it's been flaring for about a month. I go through times where my wrists hurt, especially my left one. I have dark patches of skin on my neck that are very visible. I have a lot of nasty skin tags. My skin is a mess, it's just unhealthy. I have really heavy painful periods. Sadly, I think I'm leaving things out here too.
I could go on for hours about the many things that got me here. What it boils down to is that I got myself here and I have to get myself out. I read an article earlier about someone who was stuck to a chair, not my first time reading of such a thing. The families of these people keep feeding them, even though they can't/don't even get up to use the bathroom or clean themselves. These people have their skin melded to the chair/toilet or whatever they're stuck to. I saw an episode of something on tv once where a man was put in a hospital and lost a bunch of weight. At home with his wife he was really moody and nasty and miserable and wanted his food again. The list goes on and on. I think of last year when I spent months barely able to move. Pure stubbornness over not wanting to go to the bathroom on myself was often my only motivation because my back was screaming in pain. There was another weekend a few months ago where I was down hard. One time my husband tried to help me up and I started screaming and shrieking because my back seized up. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? How can I go through all of this and still not eat healthy and exercise? I have a family that I love and adore, I have wonderful friends that I adore. I want to LIVE. Really live! I want to be here for them. I started this blog a long time ago, and in all this time my health has only gotten worse. The ONLY good thing I can say is that my weight is not where it was at its highest. That's the only good thing I can say. I need all of the prayers and support I can get.
Thanks
I'll be back.
Ms X
I could go on for hours about the many things that got me here. What it boils down to is that I got myself here and I have to get myself out. I read an article earlier about someone who was stuck to a chair, not my first time reading of such a thing. The families of these people keep feeding them, even though they can't/don't even get up to use the bathroom or clean themselves. These people have their skin melded to the chair/toilet or whatever they're stuck to. I saw an episode of something on tv once where a man was put in a hospital and lost a bunch of weight. At home with his wife he was really moody and nasty and miserable and wanted his food again. The list goes on and on. I think of last year when I spent months barely able to move. Pure stubbornness over not wanting to go to the bathroom on myself was often my only motivation because my back was screaming in pain. There was another weekend a few months ago where I was down hard. One time my husband tried to help me up and I started screaming and shrieking because my back seized up. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? How can I go through all of this and still not eat healthy and exercise? I have a family that I love and adore, I have wonderful friends that I adore. I want to LIVE. Really live! I want to be here for them. I started this blog a long time ago, and in all this time my health has only gotten worse. The ONLY good thing I can say is that my weight is not where it was at its highest. That's the only good thing I can say. I need all of the prayers and support I can get.
Thanks
I'll be back.
Ms X
Monday, March 14, 2011
Hi!
Hi! How is everyone doing? I haven't blogged in a while. It amazes me how much things have changed in the past year. Though it's just after midnight, I can now say that it's been 9 months today since my mom passed.
I don't remember what I've blogged about so some of this might be a repeat. Just about a year ago my mother-in-law moved in. A year ago the daycare was almost finished being built. I won't get into the daycare stuff here but it's been one heck of a year with just that subject alone. Last spring, my oldest daughter had a car accident and miraculously didn't hurt herself or anyone else, thank God. Not long after that my mother went into the hospital for surgery, after several weeks in the hospital, she died a week before my birthday, and 5 days after my oldest graduated high school. All she wanted was for mom to be here for her graduation, it was a bittersweet day when she graduated. My birthday, for the record, sucked. A lot. The year prior all I wanted for my birthday was for my mom to be here. Little did I know it would be the last time I ever saw her again. I didn't take a single picture of her and I together either, I have rarely done that my whole adult life. I have found only 3, and 2 of them are from far away with others in the picture. I won't make that mistake with anyone else. Sadly, on my birthday that last time she was here I had pictures taken with myself and each of my kids and hubby but she was closer to the castle (in a rider thing) and my son was with her while we sat further away. So, I didn't have our pics taken. I'm off on a tangent again. Sorry. So, anyway. My oldest started college in the fall, that made 3 of us in college at the same time. My other two started their last year in middle school and elementary school. Wow!
Then, my oldest announced that she had a girlfriend. Fast forward. Oldest and girlfriend are now living together in an apartment. I was surprised I never got sad and teary and stuff over her moving out. I would just go on another tangent if I started getting into all of that.
So, currently we are moving things around in our house again and doing some major spring cleaning. It feels good to get these things done. I am on a mini break between classes too. I may even take a few days off work during my kid's spring break. I may be seeing a cousin after 20+ years when she comes this way this month. I may even see my brother and his wife, which would be great.
I've been trying to get into all of the specialists my doctor sends me to, as best as I can. Some of them are just irritating me. I don't want to go to a specialist for every little thing. I am going to actually sign up for and go to the pool I found out is by my work, I'm looking forward to that.
Well, enough for now. I hope everyone is well. What is everyone else up to this spring?
Ms X
I don't remember what I've blogged about so some of this might be a repeat. Just about a year ago my mother-in-law moved in. A year ago the daycare was almost finished being built. I won't get into the daycare stuff here but it's been one heck of a year with just that subject alone. Last spring, my oldest daughter had a car accident and miraculously didn't hurt herself or anyone else, thank God. Not long after that my mother went into the hospital for surgery, after several weeks in the hospital, she died a week before my birthday, and 5 days after my oldest graduated high school. All she wanted was for mom to be here for her graduation, it was a bittersweet day when she graduated. My birthday, for the record, sucked. A lot. The year prior all I wanted for my birthday was for my mom to be here. Little did I know it would be the last time I ever saw her again. I didn't take a single picture of her and I together either, I have rarely done that my whole adult life. I have found only 3, and 2 of them are from far away with others in the picture. I won't make that mistake with anyone else. Sadly, on my birthday that last time she was here I had pictures taken with myself and each of my kids and hubby but she was closer to the castle (in a rider thing) and my son was with her while we sat further away. So, I didn't have our pics taken. I'm off on a tangent again. Sorry. So, anyway. My oldest started college in the fall, that made 3 of us in college at the same time. My other two started their last year in middle school and elementary school. Wow!
Then, my oldest announced that she had a girlfriend. Fast forward. Oldest and girlfriend are now living together in an apartment. I was surprised I never got sad and teary and stuff over her moving out. I would just go on another tangent if I started getting into all of that.
So, currently we are moving things around in our house again and doing some major spring cleaning. It feels good to get these things done. I am on a mini break between classes too. I may even take a few days off work during my kid's spring break. I may be seeing a cousin after 20+ years when she comes this way this month. I may even see my brother and his wife, which would be great.
I've been trying to get into all of the specialists my doctor sends me to, as best as I can. Some of them are just irritating me. I don't want to go to a specialist for every little thing. I am going to actually sign up for and go to the pool I found out is by my work, I'm looking forward to that.
Well, enough for now. I hope everyone is well. What is everyone else up to this spring?
Ms X
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